Training again.

Well, since the last blog I've started training again for another 1/2 marathon.  I'm in my third week and hard to believe that I'm really enjoying it.  And here's something to make you faint....I've done all my training runs OUTSIDE!!!  This week's long run I almost made the 7 mile mark.  I did 6.65 miles on Tuesday, my biggest mistakes right now are letting myself sleep in and starting my runs too late in the mornings.  By 9am here in El Paso, it's just too darn hot to be out there running in the sun.  When will I ever learn?  I just like sleeping in though.    I can't believe that I've gone from forcing myself to go outside once a month to outside four times a week.  I think my treadmill misses me.  So far training has been good.  I think I'll be ready for the race in October.  I know that I will finish and I'm hopeful that I will finish faster than May.  I think I need to get a new pair of running shoes soon, to break them in so I don't end up stopping at the mile 10 marker to change shoes this time.  

   I'm dropping in the weight department but not near as fast as I think I should be.  But then that's not really news.   I'm always so hard on myself in the weight department.   I made it through July, two birthdays and an EID celebration without a weight gain.  For that I'm extremely grateful.  I do have one challenge to get through.  At the end of next week I am going to Washington state to see my daughter and Princess Emma Daun for first time.  Continuing my training there will be a way to prove to myself that I am serious about running now.  So with that said I'm off to start pulling the clothes and items I need to pack.  I work right up until the day I fly out, so this weekend will be cleaning and packing. 

 Looking back over the last three years, I've been blessed in more ways than I think I even know.  I'm a work in progress, but I am progressing.  and I will continue to look forward and occasionally look back to remind myself of how far I've come!

Looking Up and Looking Back. I'm Okay.

It's been a long time since I've posted.  Some things have changed, some have not.  I'm not sure why I stopped posting, but I'm ready to try to get back into a routine again.  So let me update now what has changed.  The beginning of June I stopped going to Jenny Craig.  My husband finally asked the question, "If you're not losing, then why are you still going?"  The thing is the program cost is expensive and the weekly food is expensive.  Now I'm not saying my husband was complaining about the cost.  If it was working and I was happy, he'd have no problem.  But I had grown tired of the foods, I wasn't eating on plan and I was gaining weight.  Yes, that's another change.  I've gained back most of what I had lost on the Jenny program at this point.  I'm close to the 200 mark again and I really just want to kick myself in the butt.    They closed my center, my consultant quit and I lost interest in going, so I just stopped going.  Here's another confession.  Three weeks ago I went to a weight loss seminar.  I actually thought about have gastric by-pass or a sleeve done.  I'm that desperate.  This week in the mail I got a letter from the clinic.  I don't qualify for the surgery.  I'm not fat enough!  I'm too healthy!  So I sat down this morning and had a long talk with myself.  I have two choices.  I can either eat and eat and sit on my tushy to gain another 20-30 pounds to qualify for the the surgery or I can stop feeling sorry for myself and put my heart and soul back into my life.  I think I had actually just given up when I walked into that seminar and was grasping at anything that seemed like an answer.  I'm not ready to gain another 20-30 pounds.  I enjoy running, I do.  So the letter I received on Thursday put the nail in that coffin and I'm moving forward.   So what else has gone on?  Well in May I went to Wichita and ran my second 1/2 marathon that I was so totally unprepared for.  I took longer to finish than I should have, but I finished.  And I learned that I can do anything I set my mind to.  I'm so much stronger than I know.  The best part was my son was there to watch us run and I had a running partner again for the race.  I also ran my first "Color My Cause Run" here in El Paso last week.  It was a lot of fun and very messy!  I really need to find someone here in El Paso that likes to run. 

I like to run, it gives me a feeling of accomplishment.  So I will to keep running and continue to always improve.  I did not train for the Color race and I realize now that I think 3.1 miles is just "a walk in the park."  I've gone from being morbidly obese and not being able to walk a mile, to being over weight and thinking a 5K is nothing and I just put on a pair of running shoes and do it.  So despite all the negatives of this year, I know I have improved.  So here's the plan now, because we all know that we have to have a plan.  I'm going to forgive myself for being human, continue to improve myself and get off of this pitty pot.   I'm done thinking it would be easier if I just gained all the weight back and had surgery.  I'm going to prepare for another 1/2 marathon in October. And I'm trying to talk my cousin into running one last 26.2 with me in December of 2014.  This last one will be hard I know.  She really has no desire to run another marathon, but I want to be able to say I've done that.  I'm going to work on my eating and try to eat healthier.  If I lose great.  If I don't I'm not going to beat myself up over it.  Yes, it would be easier to run 13.1 miles at a lighter weight, but I'm not going to make myself crazy anymore.  Does that mean I'm not going to try to lose anymore?  NO, I'm not happy at this weight and I will go down.  I know I will, but I'm done beating myself up and driving myself crazy about it.  Yes I will still blog about the journey.  I'm human and I make mistakes.  But if I can reach my goals, so can anyone else that set their mind to it and puts their heart and soul into it.  I still believe that I can be an inspiration to others and I still want to be.  That said, let's go.  Get up of that chair and move it!  Till next time~ Darcy

When I saw this I knew I'm trying and sometimes, that's enough.

  

Week 55 - Step 2: Faith

 Week 55 already.  My weigh in went well, I did drop two pounds, so that puts me in the 174 range somewhere.  I didn't write it down, again.  And the weekend went down hill fairly quickly after that.  It's been a busy week for me and my husband, I haven't seen him much in the past two weeks.  That always makes me sad.  Plus the time is going by faster and faster and I still have so much I want to accomplish before 5 May 2013 as well as needing to get my runs in to be able to do that run.  I've looked up the 12 steps in the 12 step program and step number two is FAITH.  The first step is Honesty, I believe that I have been honest with myself and I know that I have many issues with food.  The second step is kind of ironic for this week.  Having faith that it will and can work will be a hard one to do.  Faith in general is hard if you stop and think about it.  But I know that many others have used the 12 step program and that it has worked for many people as well.  So my goal for this week is to have faith in me and the higher powers that I can beat food.  To be honest though, I didn't log my food today.  But as I said before this weekend wasn't a good one.  My husband was in a hit and run accident on Saturday.  It could have been worse and for the fact that he is fine I am grateful.  But then I heard or read some even sadder news and I haven't been able to shake the sadness away.  A fellow runner, a coach, a friend that I have not met lost his child that same evening, about the same time.  I bought up old feelings that I thought I had buried and dealt with long ago.  I guess this weekend is proof that some wounds never heal, they just scab over and are over looked.  For all that is right in my world, I am ever so grateful.  For all that is wrong in my friends world I am saddened, I know I can't ease his or his families pain.  I can only sit here and remember and look back at the road that I have walked.  I know that in the months and years ahead he and his family will find their way, but I hurt for them now.  I too send my deepest condolences to Zen Runner and his family.  So in the words of a beautiful song that keeps repeating in my head........"I look to you"....... 

Week 54 - Yo, Yo Effect!

I go up.  I go down.  I go up.....I've been in the 170's so long I think that I belong here.  Some days I just want to give up and stay here.  The lazy me whispers in my ear, "Hey, it's a lot less than you used to weigh!", but healthier me pushes her away.  The health me points to the pictures of dresses that I want to wear for a wedding in October or the picture of the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon finish line.  I know what my goals are, I know what I want.  Why then do I listen to that little voice that tells me "just one piece of chocolate"?  And of course that "one" piece always becomes two, then three, if I've already blown the day, might as well just blow the whole day, right?  I really have to learn how to break this cycle.  I have to learn to say no to that little voice wanting just one piece of candy.  So, no this was not a good weigh in week with JC.  I gained 2 pounds, I didn't even write the number down.  I thought about calling my consultant to ask for the number, but I just haven't the heart to do it.  It's getting to the point where I don't want to celebrate the good weeks, because I'm almost positive I'll follow it up with a gain again!  I guess I will have to do some soul searching this week and try to find alternatives for my food binges.  When I have a good week, I celebrate by letting myself have one "free" day.  When I have a bad week, I sulk and drown myself in self pity for two or three days with binge eating....neither does me any good.  Either way I spend days trying to reverse the damage I've done with all the bad things I've shoved into my mouth.  Being an addict is hard.  It's not an affliction I would wish on anyone.  As I sit here, I wonder.  Would I do better if I were to just wear a label that stated, "I'm an addict!  Please don't feed me!"  There are worse labels I could wear.  Being a food addict is not the worst I could be.  They say admitting you have a problem is the first step.  Well I've said it before and I'll say it again and again until I can get it under control.  What's the next step?   I am addicted to food!  Maybe I'll figure out a way to make me a button to wear, can't hurt.  What IS the next step???
Well that's it for this week, until Friday.  Keep moving everyone~ Darcy

Week 53 ~ Finding time, A Pep talk to me.

Well, I can't believe I missed another week.  I've never really thought of myself as a busy person.  Even when I was raising three children and going to school, I always felt like I had enough time.  But here lately I feel like I'm always running out of time.  The past two weeks have been crazy busy, but they are past and now I'm trying to get my mind set on focusing on this up coming race.  I did go in for my weigh in and in the past two weeks I have lost 4 pounds. My new number this week 173.4.  I fell off the diet wagon this weekend and I'm struggling to get back on it this morning.  I didn't even get my runs in this week and I'm beginning to wonder if I can salvage the marathon at this point.  I'm not willing to give up yet, but I know that if I don't' get serious and soon, I will be hurting in May if I choose to run 13.1.  So what side tracked me this week?  This week my husband again spoiled me and we went to Dallas/Fort Worth to buy a new car on Wednesday.  I've been doing my long runs on Wednesday lately because it just seemed to "fit" better on that day.  It took all day to drive back and Thursday was a really bad day at work and I didn't get home until 11:00pm.  I still haven't been able to make myself get up and workout before work like I did last summer when I was training.  So now I'm beginning to wonder if I have the commitment that I need to even run anymore.  I have my goals, I know my goals, and these haven't changed.  So today I am going to print out the photos of couple dresses that I would like to wear to the wedding in October and place them on the mirror in the bathroom, refrigerator door and this computer.  I'm starting my list of things to get ready for May and then I will work on a schedule.  So the question this week to my inner self is "How bad do you want this?"  I guess it's time to see, how bad I really want my goals.  I do think I look better than I did a year and a half ago when Ahtesham bought me the last car, but I still want to look better.  No one can do this for me, no one can exercise and put the miles in but me.  This is where I have to stand up and take responsibility for my goals and reaching them.  Let's do this thing!  Why?  Because I want to look even better when I finish my next 1/2 marathon.  And I want to look damn good when I go to Dallas for the wedding in October!  This is for ME!  Til next week, keep moving. ~ Darcy

Week 51 ~ Tell me spring is close!

Well, the number 51 can only mean one thing for this blogger......I have one more week left before I will have been on the JC program for a year.  In total I have lost 30 pounds, a little more but I gained some back.  And that my friends averages out to less than a pound a week!  Icky!  At my lowest I did reach 154, look way back to week 24 I think.  Then I gained 26 pounds back and now I'm gaining and losing the same five pounds.  So I guess  I can say that I've learned how to maintain.  My husband was never really "happy" about this program, but did support me and carried me a couple of weeks when I quit a job.  Now he is wondering if it is wise to pay the money I'm paying to gain and lose the same 5 pounds and you know what?  I can honestly say that I have wondered about the same thing in the past two weeks.  I may not have said it out loud, but I am starting to wonder if this is really a good idea anymore.  I have one more week before new dues will be charged and I plan on using that week to ponder my commitment to the program and myself.  Looking back I have done everything I could to sabotage myself in the past five months.  That said, I did go for my weigh in on Friday.  I dropped 2.6 pounds this week.  No, I'm not celebrating, why because I gained I think 4+ pounds the week before.  I didn't write my number down, but will post here 177 and that is more or less what it was.  So is it time to move on?  Is it time to get serious again?  I personally don't think I'm ready yet to go out on my own.  There is still more I need to learn about  my eating habits and I like my consultant.  I hear her voice in my head on days when I'm struggling.  Last week she gave me her number to text her when I feel like I'm going to fall off the edge.  I haven't used it yet, but maybe that's what I need now.  Someone to reach out to and say "Help!".  I do hear her voice on days like today when I'm sitting at the computer and don't want to get my runs or core exercises in.  She says that this makes her laugh.  I think I'd miss her if I stopped going in to weigh.  Maybe if I reach out when I'm about to binge instead of trying to face it alone, it will help.  Maybe it's time to reach out and stop trying to fight the inner demons alone.  I did just look back at all the past posts and after week 24 things went down hill.  There was the constant changing of consultants, then the 1/2 marathon training, and finally the decline of the job happiness.  I know that I never called the center for help.  I never talked to my consultant mid-week if I was having issues.  So I will spend the next few days thinking about my choices and what to do.  My consultant has a doctor's  appointment next week, so I will just weigh in and pick up food.  The following week we will sit down and decide where to go.  I've struggled, I have struggled a lot this fall and winter.  I'm so ready for spring!  I also haven't the that good with my marathon training.  If I plan on running it's time for to get my tushy off this seat and get in gear.  Get serious about my running and start logging my miles.  If I don't May will be a total disaster.  So I have a lot to think about in the week and a half.  Til next week guys keep moving~ Darcy   

 

I'm ready for Spring!!!!!

Week 50 - Family

What I had wanted to write about last week was family.  I come from a moderately large family.  I am not really close to my family, but I do love them all.  I was thinking about my family last week because my Uncle Gary is in the hospital and under went heart surgery last week.  When I stepped back last week to ponder them all, I realized how many we have already had to say "Good-bye" to.  I also realize that we are not all as healthy as we should be.  I decided that I needed to make changes and lead by example for them, for me and for my children.  I'm not sure how to approach the ones I love and let them know I'm worried about their lifestyles.  Maybe if I can get a grip on the binge eating and get healthy, I can inspire others to make some small changes in their lives.  My cousin has always been an inspiration to me.  She has always been the smallest and prettiest of the "Three Amigos".   I often wondered to myself, "Why can't I be more like her?"  If she inspires me to try harder, then I will do my best and hopefully inspire others of our family.  I know I want to be around for a lot longer to drive both my husband and children crazy.  This week I also learned from mistakes made and I posted a gain.  I'm not sure how much of a gain and what I weighed when I went in for my appointment this week.  Not because I don't want to remember, but because I always put the numbers in my iPhone and that way I don't have to remember.  But this week I dutifully put the numbers on my "notes" app and then directly from my appointment to buy a new phone....duh!  They did share as much of the information from my old phone before erasing it to make it ready to take my husband's information and become his phone.  I didn't think about it at the time, but notes don't move over.  So all that information is lost.  Anyway, I can tell you I'm around the 180 mark again.  Oh how I hate that and I thought that I would do so that week because work was hectic and I skipped all my lunches and I skipped one dinner.  I also did workout last week got three runs in and an ab/arm workout.  So I thought for sure I would be okay.  Nope!  I know for sure that if you added my whole week's worth of food up and then subtracted it from what I should normally eat in a week, I would have been way under my calorie count.  What does that mean?  It means if I don't eat, my body retaliates by keeping every thing I put in my mouth somewhere on this body and I don't lose anything.  I was so frustrated.  Yes on Saturday and Sunday I may have gone over my 1200 calories by a bit, but I know that on Monday and Tuesday I was lucky to get in 350 to 600 calories for the whole day!!!  Okay, another lesson learned the hard way.  Although my week has started out pretty much the same way this week.  So I'm being to wonder if I will ever learn that lesson well enough.  Eating is a constant struggle for me.  I like chocolate, (There I said it! In fact I LOVE chocolate.) I like chips and dip, I like eating.  And sometimes I really have no self control.  But I am lucky that this no control crosses all borders and I'm the same way when it comes to my running and exercise as well.  That said, I did do the Komen Race for the Cure 5K this past Sunday.  There too I also learned a bit about myself.  I waited until the last minute to decide to run and registered on Saturday at the mall.  I had to pay last minute fees, which is okay because it was for a good cause, but to save a little money I choose to do the non competitive run instead of the the competitive run.  I AM a competitive runner!!  The non-competitive run didn't start on time, this is El Paso, Texas and we had to wait for all the last minute stragglers!  The walkers and stroller pushers did not listen to the pre-race instructions of walkers to the left, runners to the right and strollers in the back.  So when the starting gun went off, walkers were in the way and we runners were trying to just get around them.  It was very frustrating.  So when the crowd did finally clear out, I pushed a little too hard to make up for lost time and ended up having to break my 5:1 ratio, and I walked a lot more than I wanted.  I finished more than a minute slower than my 5K Jingle Bell run in December, but my overall pace was faster by about 10 seconds.  Which means that I did run faster and had I done a little better at the start I might have done better than I did in December.  Next time, don't save a few bucks and pay for the competitive race entry!  Got it!  So that's this weeks very long post.  Hopefully I will post a good loss this week and do better with my training.  Till next week, keep moving everyone! ~ Darcy

 

I really want to set a good example for my family and friends. I want them to see through me that it can be done! It may not always be easy, but it can be done.

For Emma Daun Nelson.  Never grow up and never quit wearing tutus and a crown!

Week 49, Running Behind.

Yes I am....and I have weakness for sweets also.  I did post a 1.6 pound loss for this week, so my new number is 175.  I really need to focus on my exercise.  I think the one thing that I did learn this past week was that if I don't move, I don't lose.  I can eat well and not slip at all, but if I don't get in my exercise, it's all for not!  I will start my training program for the 1/2 marathon in May this week and finish up my last week of orientation at work.  School is starting to take large chunks of my time as well.  There are days when I don't feel like I see my husband at all.  And in truth there were a couple of days this week when it was more than 24 hours before I saw him.  So I guess I finally need to admit and accept that stress does have a lot to do with weight loss.  In the past I basically felt that stress was just an excuse for someone that wasn't trying hard enough.  I always thought that I could never be affected by stress, because I just didn't have enough of it to cause a problem.  Now looking back at the past few months and days, I see that yes I do have stress in my life and yes, it does effect me in many ways.  I am not perfect and I am allowed to be weak.  So I guess I need to find a way to manage stress and get my life back under control.  I am hopeful that training for an other 1/2 marathon will also get me back on track, but now I'm having my doubts.  So that's my short post for week 49.  Week 50 is just are the corner.  Until then keep moving my friends ~ Darcy

Week 48 Confessions

Well friends, it's time for me to step into the confessional and tell all.   Maybe if I tell all my deep dark dirty secrets and come clean, I can find a way to begin again.  This week I posted a 1.6 pound gain.  So my new number is 176.7, I'm going the wrong way.  And I am so far away from where I was this past summer.  Every thing seems to have gone to pot after my 1/2 marathon.  So did I just get too full of myself for reaching a large milestone?  Did I get lazy?  What happened to my motivation?  Where did it go?  Do all runners have this same problem?  How do I move forward?  How do I stop this roller coaster ride and get off?!?  To be honest I really don't know what happened.  Maybe it was a little of bit of everything.  My job at the time was getting harder to manage and I wasn't ready to give up.  I was defiantly lazy.  I was oh so proud of myself and thought "one piece of candy can't hurt me."  After all I just ran 13+ miles!!!  And then it

was, "Well, it's only one pound, one pound will be so easy to take off."  Then the one because two, which turned into 4 and ended up being a total of 29 pounds gained back before it was all said and done!!!  I'm frustrated!  I'm MAD!!!!  I'm ready to kick myself stupid.  What do I do?  I've felt this way before.  I've cleared everything off the books and said to myself, "Enough is enough!  No more!!" but it hasn't worked.  Any one have any ideas??  At this point I will take any suggestions.  I'm lost.  Right now I keep losing the same 10 pounds over and over.  I lose them, I gain them.  I WANT to reach my goal.  I want to be at my goal by July 12.  I know what it takes to lose the weight.  Why do I keep giving into the hamburgers and chocolates that call my name?  This past week I didn't get in one run.  Not one.  My back hurt, my hip hurt and I was just plain lazy.  Yes the body aches are real, but they are just an excuse for me to throw out to the world to excuse me from running.  I am at a loss, I don't know what to do anymore.  The past two days have been down right horrible.  I've eaten what I wanted, when ever I wanted and didn't even bother to pretend to want to on my running shoes.  So if anyone is out there in the great void......."Help, I'm lost."  How do I get back into my groove???? 

Week 45 - deleted by mistake.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Week 45: Getting back to routine.

Why week 45? Well, I have been on the Jenny program for 45 weeks. This week I did see my usual consultant and I posted a gain, but a loss. Now, how can I post a gain and a loss at the same time? Last week I did not weigh in I just bought food because my consultant had a family emergency. But I knew that I had a gain so I politely declined getting on the scale. Now I wish I had gotten on, because it looks like I didn't do any thing this week and gained more weight. My new number is 180.8, which from week 43 is a pound gain. In reality it is a 6 pound drop from the previous Saturday. So the lesson learned here? Always get on the scale. You earn what you earn and if you want credit for being good, you got to take the good with the bad. I did stay on plan every day but but one last week. I am starting to see a pattern develop and I'm not quite sure why. My homework for the next week is to try and figure out why I "melt down" on Wednesday evening. I seem to go on an eating binge on Wednesday or Thursday evening looking back at my logs and I'm looking for the cause. My other homework for the this week is to learn what "hungry" really feels like. My consultant asked if I was "head hungry" or "stomach hungry" when I had my melt downs. After thinking about it for a few minutes after the appointment, I'm not sure which I was. So I will start using the "are you hungry" tool that is on my JC menu sheet before meals. It basically asks you to rate your hunger before you eat something. So far today, I haven't really been "stomach hungry" at all. I am hoping that I can find a pattern and that will help me find a solution to stop the cycle and in turn help me reach my goal. I know what I need to be doing, just need to look at my stumbling spots now.

This week I started back to work which made staying on plan easier. I also started a pre-training program to get my running back on track. I want to sign up for the Prairie Fire 1/2 Marathon at the end of this month, so I am following my cousin's lead and doing a five week program to get my running back to where it should be. Then I will start the 12 week 1/2 marathon training. I'm really excited to know that she is training to run as well. I really hope that she can over come her obstacles and run this race as well. I know she runs at a faster pace than I do, but for some odd reason I find comfort in knowing that she would be suffering on the course as well. Part of me is worried about how our "photographers" will follow the both of us at different paces, but part of me whats the company during my "misery". I will be watching her training with excitement. As for my training this week, I did get in five run days. I also took two days off, but only meant to take one. It's okay, I did better last week than I have in several weeks. But I only did one day of core. So now that all the holiday hoopla is over and I have started back to work, I am hopeful that this is the beginning of me getting back on track. I can reach my goals if, and only if I get my mind in the right place. Till next week, keep moving everyone. ~ Darcy

Week 46 & 47. Opps, I missed a week.

I can't believe that I forgot to post last week.  I must be slipping just a little in my game.  So I will just have to combine the last two weeks into one post.  Here it goes.  Week 46 I posted a loss of 4.6 pounds, so my new number two weeks ago was 176.2.  I did really well staying on plan and was actually excited to go in for the weigh in last week.  We discussed what I did right and what I did wrong and made plans for the following week.  I went out that evening and bought an indoor cycle to give myself some variety in my exercise routine.  So this week #47 I posted a 0.6 pound loss, my new number this week 175.6.  I didn't do as well at sticking to the plan this week and did eat a little more chocolate than I should have.  I have to admit that I bought a couple of bags of Valentine's candy.  I think if I buckle down and try a bit harder I can get to a two pound loss next week.  It's just getting hard to resist the valentine's candy out in the store.  Why does Valentine's day have to so much emphasis on candy?  Don't we have enough temptation out in the world already?  I love chocolate and chips, these are my weakness.  I'm so over the holidays, I guess that I'm happy with having a loss.  Even though it was not as large as I wanted.  Like I said earlier, I'll just have to work harder and stay away from the candy aisles at the stores.  Two more weeks then....they will put the pink wrapped candy on sell!!!  Just kidding, well maybe.  I'm still "rewarding" myself with a new iTunes song if I stay on plan all week, this week I only earned two songs.  And I still haven't earned a new e-book, not yet anyway.  We talked again of strategies to avoid the temptations and ways to not deprive myself.  But somehow just taking out 9 kisses and put the bag away, just doesn't seem to help.  We also talked about my exercise routine this past week, because of the new cycle.  Lately I have been having trouble getting up every morning to exercise.  One or two days and then I just want to sleep for that extra hour before work.  So my commitment this week it to get up every morning and exercise.  Every single day.  We agreed that it could even be yoga, just to help get me back into the routine of getting up and moving.  Today I knew that I needed to run and do core before my appointment or I would not reach my commitment of four days of cardio and three days of core for the week.  It was so hard to get my shoes on and moving still.  I can say I always feel better once I get through about 5 to 6 minutes, but it's just getting me up from the chair.  I am up to 3 and half minutes of running, so I'm still on plan for my pre-training for the 1/2 marathon training.  Okay, that's my last two weeks.  I'm finally going in the right direction again.  Let's hope that I stay that way.  Have I mentioned that I really don't like winter???? Is it spring yet?????  Until next week, keep moving everyone. ~ Darcy

Week 44 ~ Giving one to the running gods.

There are all kinds of "gods" out there, believe me I know.  In nursing we highly discourage you from saying the word "quiet", it tends to be followed by chaos.  When I golfed, you always had to give a ball to the water hazards...the water gods.  So today I laced up my shoes, bowed to the running gods and gave them what I knew they would ask for.  I lowered my running ratio, dropped my distance and ran.  It has taken me too many days to lace up my shoes this time.  I just ran for the run.  Didn't set out for a distance, a set pace, just a run.  Let me tell you, it hurt!  I can't believe that the running gods took so much for sitting on the couch for six days.  My lungs burned, my knee whined, my body screamed stop!  I ended up doing a little more than 2.5 miles, but it felt like twice that amount.  That's the price you pay when you don't use your body.  And of course you pay for it in other ways.  So I gave the running gods their horrible run and I'm sure that they will take more for my lack of dedication lately.  With that statement, I now pledge to get my a$$ off this chair, the couch, the bed, the whatever and get back on the treadmill and the road!  No one is going to do it for me, no one can help me.  This post hasn't started out like they normally do and if you've been reading for a while, you may have noticed I skipped a week.  So to back the truck up last week was BAD!  I posted a gain, my number then was 179.8 a seven pound gain.  And this week I didn't even weigh in.  My consultant was not there, so I just bowed out and did a food order, then left.  I quietly told myself I did it because Lisa wasn't there, because this journey is a private one.  Right, I did it because I knew I hadn't been good this week either!  So I have no new number to post this week, but I can tell if I did, it would be a gain again.  I have learned so much in the past two years and the past four months have shown me I still have so much more I need to learn.  I need to find a way to control the food demons that haunt me or the scale devil will win.  I look back at the past year and all the photos my hubby took of me and I want to be back at my 154 number again.  I liked that smile.  I like the way I felt.  I was tons more confident, my clothes looked better, I was running or some type of exercise every day, just a better person.  Oh and I was working, so tomorrow I will start my new job.  This is a new beginning.  I know what I need to do to lose the weight, I know.  So I see today and a way to wipe the slate clean and start fresh for me.  I need to do this for me.  I so badly want to reach my goal this year.  I know that I can, I just need to focus and stop giving in to the temptations.  So here is a list of goals for my new year: 1) To reach my goal weight of 135.  2) To complete two 1/2 marathons this year.  3) To run 1500 miles for the year.  According to my Garmin I ran 928 miles in the year 2012 and according to Dailymile I did 1393, so I want to bet that.  4) To visit my daughter in Washington state, (my reward for reaching my goal) by hopefully July.  5) To be physically ready and financially ready (meaning saving enough money) to run the Disney Princess in 2014!  6) To go back to college and start on my way to a BSN.  So that is my list of goals for 2013.  I need to make print it out and figure out how to get some of them done.  Some I know is just how bad do I want it, some is where do I start?   So say good bye to 2012 and hello to 2013, til next week.  Keep moving ~ Darcy