I go up. I go down. I go up.....I've been in the 170's so long I think that I belong here. Some days I just want to give up and stay here. The lazy me whispers in my ear, "Hey, it's a lot less than you used to weigh!", but healthier me pushes her away. The health me points to the pictures of dresses that I want to wear for a wedding in October or the picture of the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon finish line. I know what my goals are, I know what I want. Why then do I listen to that little voice that tells me "just one piece of chocolate"? And of course that "one" piece always becomes two, then three, if I've already blown the day, might as well just blow the whole day, right? I really have to learn how to break this cycle. I have to learn to say no to that little voice wanting just one piece of candy. So, no this was not a good weigh in week with JC. I gained 2 pounds, I didn't even write the number down. I thought about calling my consultant to ask for the number, but I just haven't the heart to do it. It's getting to the point where I don't want to celebrate the good weeks, because I'm almost positive I'll follow it up with a gain again! I guess I will have to do some soul searching this week and try to find alternatives for my food binges. When I have a good week, I celebrate by letting myself have one "free" day. When I have a bad week, I sulk and drown myself in self pity for two or three days with binge eating....neither does me any good. Either way I spend days trying to reverse the damage I've done with all the bad things I've shoved into my mouth. Being an addict is hard. It's not an affliction I would wish on anyone. As I sit here, I wonder. Would I do better if I were to just wear a label that stated, "I'm an addict! Please don't feed me!" There are worse labels I could wear. Being a food addict is not the worst I could be. They say admitting you have a problem is the first step. Well I've said it before and I'll say it again and again until I can get it under control. What's the next step? I am addicted to food! Maybe I'll figure out a way to make me a button to wear, can't hurt. What IS the next step???
Well that's it for this week, until Friday. Keep moving everyone~ Darcy
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