It's been a long time since I've posted. Some things have changed, some have not. I'm not sure why I stopped posting, but I'm ready to try to get back into a routine again. So let me update now what has changed. The beginning of June I stopped going to Jenny Craig. My husband finally asked the question, "If you're not losing, then why are you still going?" The thing is the program cost is expensive and the weekly food is expensive. Now I'm not saying my husband was complaining about the cost. If it was working and I was happy, he'd have no problem. But I had grown tired of the foods, I wasn't eating on plan and I was gaining weight. Yes, that's another change. I've gained back most of what I had lost on the Jenny program at this point. I'm close to the 200 mark again and I really just want to kick myself in the butt. They closed my center, my consultant quit and I lost interest in going, so I just stopped going. Here's another confession. Three weeks ago I went to a weight loss seminar. I actually thought about have gastric by-pass or a sleeve done. I'm that desperate. This week in the mail I got a letter from the clinic. I don't qualify for the surgery. I'm not fat enough! I'm too healthy! So I sat down this morning and had a long talk with myself. I have two choices. I can either eat and eat and sit on my tushy to gain another 20-30 pounds to qualify for the the surgery or I can stop feeling sorry for myself and put my heart and soul back into my life. I think I had actually just given up when I walked into that seminar and was grasping at anything that seemed like an answer. I'm not ready to gain another 20-30 pounds. I enjoy running, I do. So the letter I received on Thursday put the nail in that coffin and I'm moving forward. So what else has gone on? Well in May I went to Wichita and ran my second 1/2 marathon that I was so totally unprepared for. I took longer to finish than I should have, but I finished. And I learned that I can do anything I set my mind to. I'm so much stronger than I know. The best part was my son was there to watch us run and I had a running partner again for the race. I also ran my first "Color My Cause Run" here in El Paso last week. It was a lot of fun and very messy! I really need to find someone here in El Paso that likes to run. 
I like to run, it gives me a feeling of accomplishment. So I will to keep running and continue to always improve. I did not train for the Color race and I realize now that I think 3.1 miles is just "a walk in the park." I've gone from being morbidly obese and not being able to walk a mile, to being over weight and thinking a 5K is nothing and I just put on a pair of running shoes and do it. So despite all the negatives of this year, I know I have improved. So here's the plan now, because we all know that we have to have a plan. I'm going to forgive myself for being human, continue to improve myself and get off of this pitty pot. I'm done thinking it would be easier if I just gained all the weight back and had surgery. I'm going to prepare for another 1/2 marathon in October. And I'm trying to talk my cousin into running one last 26.2 with me in December of 2014. This last one will be hard I know. She really has no desire to run another marathon, but I want to be able to say I've done that. I'm going to work on my eating and try to eat healthier. If I lose great. If I don't I'm not going to beat myself up over it. Yes, it would be easier to run 13.1 miles at a lighter weight, but I'm not going to make myself crazy anymore. Does that mean I'm not going to try to lose anymore? NO, I'm not happy at this weight and I will go down. I know I will, but I'm done beating myself up and driving myself crazy about it. Yes I will still blog about the journey. I'm human and I make mistakes. But if I can reach my goals, so can anyone else that set their mind to it and puts their heart and soul into it. I still believe that I can be an inspiration to others and I still want to be. That said, let's go. Get up of that chair and move it! Till next time~ Darcy
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| When I saw this I knew I'm trying and sometimes, that's enough. |
A very honest blog. One I can relate to a lot!
ReplyDeleteYou wanna go for a run???? :)
ReplyDeleteI can relate so much to what you're going through! Last year I lost 30 lbs., and this year I have gained at least 10 back. It is SO discouraging. In a way it would be easier to just give up! I understand that you would be torn about whether or not to gain some more so you can qualify for the surgery. But I do think you're making the right decision about losing it on your own. You've done it before, so you know you can do it. It's not easy at all, as you know. Just keep going, you'll get there!!
ReplyDeleteIf I lived closer, I would definitely run with you! :)