Week 30 ~ Nerves.

I did go in this week and weigh in, it has just taken me a few days to get back to the blog and write it down.  This week has been one crazy, stressful week at work and next week doesn't look much better.  So, my new number is 156.2, I wasn't super excited when I saw the number on the scale.  Which is a 4.2 pound loss from last week, but I think a lot of it was water weight.  Looking back at the past few weeks I have a sneaky feeling that I've been hovering around this number for a while and the water has be fluctuating my weight up and down....just my thoughts.   I did see the same consultant and I'm getting to know her, she did put less pressure on me this week and didn't fight when I ordered only the items I wanted.  It was a brief meeting because I had a busy day and the next meeting will be shorter because of my busy week.  Nothing has really changed on the program lately, but I was told that new foods are coming.  My consultant ordered them this week, but would not tell me what they were.  I really need some new food items because I know I'm bored with the ones I'm eating now.  I really hope that this is the beginning of another downward trend.  We'll see how it goes, still have a few weeks before I will decide if I will just leave the program all together or not. 
On the exercise front I did better, but not as well as I wanted.  I did get in a long run of 7.5 miles, I did exercise all but one day this past week.  I didn't get any core, abs or arms in, but will work on that again this week.  I have to start tapering down for the race and I know this will drive me nuts.  I bought new shoes, why does buying a new pair of running shoes make a runner so happy?  I can't believe that my race is 2 weeks away.  Part of me feels like I'm trained and ready.  But there is part of me that keeps saying "What if all your runs were crap runs?" Did you train hard enough?  Really did you train well?  I guess I'm a tad scared because I will be alone in this run, even though running by it's nature is a lone sport, but my mind can talk loudly sometimes.  I'm worried that my mind will win that morning and I will quit before I finish.  So this is the past week.  I'll keep doing my short runs and work on the mind.  Till next week, keep moving everyone ~ Darcy

Week 29; EPIC FAIL

Well, last week was an epic failure!  I went in yesterday for my weigh in and as you can tell by the title and picture, it was not good.  I really didn't even want to post this week.  I hate admitting that I've failed, but I had a thought last night as I was cleaning up the apartment.  If I can admit I've failed, put it down in black and white, maybe just maybe I can move on and get motivated again.  What is it about getting close to your goals that makes it so hard to keep going?  Why do we find it easy to revert back to old habits, when you have been doing so well?  I've been waking up at 4 a.m., exercising daily, and watching what I eat for months.  If it only takes about 30 days to create a new habit, why am I struggling so much this past month to get back on track and reach my goal?  Okay, enough of the whining.  My new number is

160.4, that means I had a gain of 1.2 pounds this week.  I'm defiantly going in the wrong direction!  I've been hovering around the 160 mark for about a month now.  Anyone out there have any ideas?  I'm not sure I know what to do any more.  I did go in for my weekly consultation and I am quite frankly worried.  I'm not sure this new consultant will be a good fit either.  I've decided that I will give it one more month and if I can't get going in the right direction again or if this new consultant doesn't work, I'll try something else.  Let me tell you what happened and then if I'm totally off base, you can comment if you would like.  I'm not sure what my new consultant's official job title is, (I'll have to ask next time), but I'd have to guess she's involved with money somehow.  Like the account manager or something like that.  She said all the same things, like "What worked this week?, What didn't?, How did this week go?, What do you think happened?", but the real "uh oh" came when it came time to place my food order.  I will give her some credit for reading at least part of my file.  She did know that I was training for some sort of a race, but I don't think she knows how much weight I've lost or how well I was doing doing before the month of August.  When it came time to place my order, she started asking a lot of "Why" questions.  "Why are you not eating the Anytime bars?" "Why do you not order all seven days?" "Who was your consultant when you reached your half way mark?"  Let me explain.  When I reached my half way mark, I was told that I would start eating two days on my own.  Well according to Lisa, my new consultant, it's not technically two days off the program.  According to Lisa, I'm still supposed to eat one "Jenny Meal" and one "Jenny Snack" every day.  So that means that I would only be taking off four menu items total.  In short about a $20 dollar saving from what I was spending weekly.  Now anyone that knows me well, knows that money is a real concern lately, because my husband was laid off in May of this year, started back to college again, and just three weeks ago started a new job that pays less than half of what he used to bring in.  So the fact that I'm still doing the "JC program" is proof that I'm in it for me and it's important to me to reach my goal.  Her comment was "If you are eating any less than the recommended amounts of Jenny Craig menu items, then you aren't doing the Jenny Craig program."  She also said, "You should never have any "left over" food items." and pointed to a sign on the wall.  The sign pretty much said the same thing.  She told me to "share" the left over items with friends and family.   I don't know if I was being a tad bit too sensitive, but to me it just screamed "We want your money."  So, when I left I thought about it a while and thought give her a chance before you decide that she's just worried about her commission.  We will see how it goes on Friday.  So enough about the program.  On to my exercise portion of the week, the second half of the failure for the week.
  My exercise program has been awful for the past two weeks as well.  Yes, I did get in a good long run last week, but I've been sleeping in and skipping the short runs, my core workouts and just all together being a total lazy butt.  I haven't been consistent, I haven't been motivated, and I'm really starting to worry about the up coming race in three weeks.  I really need to pull myself together and try to focus on my goals.  I'm so close to accomplishing my 1/2 marathon goal, that I feel I'm trying to sabotage myself.  And I have no ideas on how to fix it.  I just keep getting up and trying to push myself into doing something.  So there it is, this weeks post.  Here's to being hopeful that next week is better.  Until next week, keep moving everyone (that includes me too!) ~ Darcy

 

Week 28 All Aboard Again!

This time last year my husband and I were packing up everything we owned again to move.  I've been thinking a lot about the trip we made to the Grand Canyon and the beauty and peace there.  I can't help but want to return to this park and visit it again.  Pictures just don't let you see how big and beautiful it really is.  Anyway, that explains this picture.  Today I went in to the Jenny Craig Center to pick up some food and talked to yet another consultant.  I'm going to give it one last try and if I get passed around again, I will then decide what I want to do.  I did get on the scale and that was actually good news.  My number for this week is 159.4.  That is actually a loss of 1.8 pounds from my last visit.  I picked up on the planned menu week one and dropped two days.  I really hope that new food items are added soon, because I need a food change in the menu.  I know which foods I like and which ones I just want to skip.  Really I am going to do my best to get back on plan.  I know why I wanted to do this in the first place and it wasn't for the consultant or anyone else.  I started this journey for me, because I wanted to be healthy.  I wanted to be able to wear cute clothes and not look like a slob when I was out running around with my husband doing chores.  I wanted to run and run better with less weight on my body.  My goals have not changed, I just think I kind of ran out of steam.  Now I want to make to the Prairie Fire 1/2 Marathon at a weight of 155 or less.  That is my next goal.  So I stepped back on the train and got my ticket punched, let's see how I do.  I also found a new running mantra and I think I'm just going to make it my life mantra for the next few months.  "All I need to do is manage this moment."  I ordered a new ID bracelet with this engraved on it.  It just seems to fit my whole life right now.  I need to stop looking forward at how much farther I have to go and just think about now with everything.     

This week in exercise I was really lazy for the first three days.  I did nothing, but I did manage to pull myself together yesterday and got in my long run of 11.5 miles and I did 5.5 today.  I think I've found that my "wall" is at 10 miles.  I did really well until I hit the 110 minute mark and then it started being a struggle to finish each running segment.  And by segment I mean 3:34 minutes, followed by one minute of walking.  I will have to run on Saturday and Sunday to get all my miles in for this week, but I think that I can manage that.  I've started to prepare for my race now.  It's in about 32 days, so I went a bought a new pair of pants today, size large and new shirt, size medium.  That made me smile.  I still think I need a new pair of running shoes, we will have to see if I can manage it next week or not.  So there is this week's post. 

Til next week, stay on track and keep moving everyone! ~ Darcy

Week 27 LOST!

So I didn't go in again this week, so I have no numbers to post.  I can say that my scale at home pretty much says what the scale said at JC when I went in last.  I sit here feeling lost and wondering which direction do I go to get back on track. The past month has been one of stagnation.  I've gone no where.  I've gained pounds, I've had uncontrolled craving for junk foods, and tons of aches and pains in the legs.  I've given in to my body and my mind and I guess now it's time to stand up and say "No More!!!"  I hate plateaus and I think that is what this is, it just means it's time to shake things up a little bit again.  I've been toying with the thought of the "Reboot", but don't really think I could just drink my calories for more than one day.  I like eating too much.  I already spend at least 6 hours a week exercising and I wonder if I can work in any more.  If I could would I be disciplined enough to do?  The say that I have learned that what I eat must be worked off every day or I will gain weight.  And if I want to lose, I have to eat less than I burn.  I have been tracking my foods and I can say that I eat about 1500 to 1600 calories a day.  So I guess my body had gotten pretty good at sustaining on that amount.  Can I eat less?  Can I burn more?  I feel like I'm sitting on the derailed train thinking if I sit here long enough the train will start moving again.  After all it worked for 6 months, right?  I've been exercising!  Why does this have to be so hard?  Why can't I cheat just a little??  Okay, okay, I know!  Because when I cheat, it's not a little.  So I guess the real question is "Why do I have to an all or nothing" kind of person?  Why can't I be more like my husband? He can eat one cookie and put them away.  He's had the same jar of candy on his computer desk for six months!!!!  How do I learn to just take one and be happy with ONE piece?  I would have to say this is question that has been asked by many and if I had the answer, I would be one very wealthy woman.  So again I will try to get back on track this week and move forward.  No beating myself up for the past month, no thinking "I would be at my goal now, if I hadn't screwed up!"  No!  I will not try, I will DO!  I WILL get back on track!  The goal is a worthy goal and I deserve to reach it!  I am not as bad and as horrible a person as I think I am.  Okay, move forward!   And I plan on going in to Jenny on Friday morning!
     Now for the exercise part of last week, I took three days of rest this week to let my body recharge and repair.  I fainted at work on Sunday so that helped my take an extra day of rest.   Falling on your face and busting open your lip, helps you sit still for a bit.  This past Saturday I ran 9.5 miles and walked a mile!  When I finished I felt the same as I had the day I ran my 10K.  I was tired sure, but I still could have done a few more.  Then on Sunday I did another 5K, I did them a lot slower than I usually do, but that's okay.  I had signed up for a virtual race to honor those that lost their lives on 9-11.  I dedicated my run to all US Military members that protects us every day for a living, so I couldn't back out.  So this week I have a 10 mile long run that I will probably have to do on Friday, because I work the whole weekend.   I want to try to work in some more core and strength training as well as trying to get that darn yoga in!  And one last note, I'm tired of lower lip hurting, it's healing well, but still has a bit of a sting in it.  Okay that's it for this week, sorry about the rambling.  Till next week, keep moving! ~ Darcy

And then there was a derailment.......Week 26

And this week has not improved.  This week I am saddened to say I don't even have numbers to post for the blog.  I cancelled my weigh in appointment for Saturday because I was frustrated.  Frustrated with myself and with Jenny Craig.  Well, not the as a whole, but the the branch that I currently visit each week.  Let me go back a few days and explain.  On Friday I got my usual phone call reminder for my appointment.  I was working so it went to my voice mail, when I got off work I listened and was disappointed to learn that my usual consultant would be out again!  So Ahtesham said to me then tell them, if you never say anything they will never know.  I said it before and I'll continue to say it.  My weight loss journey is a personal and private one.  Yes I know that I blog every week here and that I post my numbers for all to see, but YOU that read only see a small bit of the story.  And really I don't think more that five or six people at most read this blog.  The readers can see my numbers, which were getting better and are still a lot better than when I started and that's really all.  Yes, you get a glimpse of my struggles but only a small portion of it.  So I cancelled my appointment on Saturday rescheduled it for Tuesday and then on Sunday at work towards the end of the shift I fainted and fell on my face.  After paying my part of the deductible I couldn't afford to go to my appointment and I can't afford to go next week either.  So I'm on my own for two weeks.  I do have some meals left in the freezer and I know that I can make it for two weeks, but even with all that I'm still upset by the fact that my consultant keeps "taking days off."  Part of me thinks, everyone deserves time off, even you like to have a day off.  But part of me thinks, why doesn't Julia (my current consultant) say something when we are scheduling the next week?  If I know in advance, I can just order my food and then weigh in and just pick up the order.  I don't like being passed around.  I realize that sometimes there are emergencies, but really Julia has been gone more than she's been there lately.  The biggest part of it may be that she is the center's director, but then if she has too much on her plate, she should clean some off of it.  If she won't do it on her own, I can always help, by taking myself off her plate.  Right?  So there is my gripe,  I know for a fact I've probably gained about two more pounds and I'm unhappy with myself.  So here it is in black and white for the world to keep my in check.  This weekend I think I will "juice fast" the whole weekend to get back on track.  Then I will call the center on Monday or Tuesday and schedule an appointment for the end of the week and get back on track.  I will talk with them about my concerns and see if maybe I should switch to an on-line consultant or another consultant that's a little more reliable at the center. 

As for the exercise portion of my life, on Thursday when I started my run, I felt a sharp stabbing pain in the back of my thigh.  So intense that I actually jumped off the treadmill and stopped.  I ended up walking for 45 minutes, but it really never got any better.  So I took three days in a row off of exercise to give my legs a chance to "recover".  I did run on Monday and yesterday, both days felt better.  I still have my long run to get through this weekend.  I have 9 miles I have to log, but I think that I will be okay if I just take it a little easier on my old legs and don't push quite so hard for the rest of the week.  Today is only a three mile day and I am planning on keeping it at just three miles. 

 I guess I will look at these past two weeks as a speed bump and do my best to put them behind me.  I think I've taken at least one small step forward by posting here of my failures and venting my frustrations.  Time to drive past this bump and get back on the train!  We still have a few miles to go to reach the goal.  And I KNOW I want to be at least 150 when I go to run my 1/2 marathon.  That's the one positive thing I did last week.  I registered for the Prairie Fire 1/2 on Friday.  I'm going and I'm gonna finish!  So till next time, keep moving! ~ Darcy