Im Guilty and I'm Shaking Things Up!

   So after thinking about it for two weeks, weighing all the options and  all the crap I would get I made a choice today.  Today I joined a food program,  I joined Jenny Craig.  I've always thought, what do these companies do for you that you can't  do for yourself?  How do they help you?  Well, I'm going to find out in the coming months.  I have lost over 75 pounds on my own in the last year, but the past four months I have been gaining and losing the same 8-9 pounds. I have gotten no where on the scale and I'm sick of it.  I can also tell you that I lost about 85 pounds back in 2003, only to put it all back on when I  fell back into old habits.  And honestly back in 2003 I never reached my goal weight.  The lowest I have been since 2000, is 175 pounds, that's still 35 pounds over the top of my suggested weight scale.
   I have decided that I am worth the money and the effort to get to my goal weight.  I have finally decided that I am tired of being heavy (Fat).  I am tired of wearing clothes that my husband calls "Grandma clothes", because being a plus size isn't what a designer has in mind when designing clothes.  My husband tells me all the time, "You're not fat", but I know that I am.  I love the fact that he sees me as beautiful just the way I am, but I can't.  This time it's for me, it's for what I want to wear, what I want people to see when they look at me.  I know that people judge me by what they see.  I can say this only because I do it also.  I'm just as guilty of looking at someone heavier than me and thinking "Don't they know they should lose some weight?"   Or "Do they know how fat they are?" 
   Our society thinks it's okay to judge and to be judged, it's sad and I also know that I can not change others.  I also know that I can change myself!  So, with that I spent way too much money on something that I am hopeful will get me over this bump in the road and moving in the right direction again.  I can change the way I look and feel about myself.  And I can also work on the I see others and stop myself from judging others harshly.  Start with me and make the difference there! 

   So if you continue to read this blog you are about to take a ride on the Jenny Craig train with me.  I can tell you the cost was a bit hard to justify.  The thought of eating precisely packaged and detailed food was difficult to think about.  But when I get to my half way point I'll get to transition away from that with their help.  Already some thing to look forward to!  My first day starts tomorrow, my weigh in started today.  I don't like their scales....it weighed in at 207.8 pounds!  OMG!