Reflections

Okay so it's my turn to reflect on turning 50.  As I sit here thinking about the big 5-0, I am reminded of MTV's "Real World" and the "confessional", (a bit of showing my age here).  This was the room where the house members used to sit and talk.  So this is me sitting in the chair in the "confession room".  I sit here and think about being "old" and the past year.  First I know that I want Ahtesham to be happy and do whatever makes him happy.  I thought I knew just what to expect this year and I really want him to succeed.  Work has had some changes and I didn't think that it had affected me all that much.  Thinking back now, maybe it has bothered me a bit more than I care to believed.  There are other changes that don't really have anything to do with me, but I think in some small way have affected me a little as well.  I don't like change, I never have.  I really don't adjust well to change.  I know that change is inevitable and that everything changes, but I hate change.  Okay I don't hate it and know that some change is good.  I like being comfortable, I like knowing what is coming, where things will be, I like comfort and routine.  And I don't like letting go.  

    So 50, it's a large number.  This past week I felt old, let me explain.  I worked three back to back shifts and at the end of everyday I was tired and all my body ached.  I suddenly felt "old", I wondered how long can I continue to run up and down the hall care for patients.  And then of course I wonder, what have I accomplished?  Have I done any good in the world?  Have I made a difference?  What more can I do?  I'm sure everyone has these thoughts or similar thoughts.  

   My marathon training is not going well and I have come to the realization that I may have to drop to another 1/2 marathon.  This leaves me with the question, "where will I get to do my full marathon?"  I'm not sure, but I am looking at other races.  

    I also started a "water challenge" on the 1st of July.  On that challenge I can say I am doing very well.  If I were following the strict letter of the challenge, I should drink about 110 ounces of water a day.  I am drinking 3 liters of water a day, it is hard to get it all in, but I have managed to drink at least 3 liters every day so far.  This is for me is good, before the challenge I did good to get in a liter.  

Well that's this week's post, there's about two more weeks left in the month.  Get out there and enjoy the summer.  Next week!  And for those wondering, I didn't like MTV's Real World, watched one or two episodes and that was it.